The Memoirs of a Single 30 Year Old in a Bridesmaid's Dress

It's been a long time since I left you, without a dope beat to step to. So without further adieu, I give you this. Whatever "this" ends up being. I will attempt to write to you about the experiences of a single 30 year old at her twin sisters wedding. All of this is hypothetical, of course.


1. If you are a single 30 year old at your twin sister's wedding, you will probably get lots of dumb questions. "Do you want to get married?" How to answer this one? If I say "no" the question asker will feel less guilty about talking about her husband and kids, but if I say "yes" said question asker will realize what a dumb question this is. Hmm.  Other questions: "so how does it feel being single when your twin sister is getting married?" Well it feels awesome, like winning the lottery and giving someone else the ticket. Thanks for asking, I love sharing my deepest feelings with strangers.

2. People will ask you repeatedly if you are the maid of honor.  You will listen intently at their tone to see if they are stressing the words "you" "maid" or "honor". All seem insulting, but its up for debate over which is worse. (Yes I agree with your argument that this is technically a "dumb" question which should be included in #1, but I wanted it to be separate, and since this is my blog, I won.)

3. The groom will likely give you stats on all his single groomsmen, which won't be many because we are old. Pickins are slim at 30.  The groom will then take every opportunity to strategically place you next to all his single groomsmen.  At which point you are primed and ready to engage in perfectly planned small talk.  Let the games begin.

4. At one point in this hypothetical situation, your mom will get on stage during the wedding reception and say we are so thankful for our new son 'n law blah blah, and then end with... we only have one single daughter left, any takers? She will tell you she wanted to make sure that any single guys at the wedding knew you were available.  Your other old single friends will take this personally and tear up on your behalf. You will wave and sign your digits.

5. You will likely make a complete fool of yourself on stage, dancing like an epileptic who has just done a hit of crack cocaine and is currently having a seizure.  This total disregard of any traditional  dance etiquette will ruin any chance of a single man at this wedding asking for your digits. Why do such a thing? Because it will make your sister laugh, and that will make it worth it.



5 comments:

  1. Well-written and so stinkin' hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I needed a laugh today, thank you!!! LOVED the video!!! You have great rhythm, and, Reid has got the moves!!! Looked like a ton of fun, thanks for sharing!! :)

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  2. Dance off is totally invalid b/c you were limited by the confines of your dress.

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  3. Thanks Mandy! Completely agree.

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  4. Brittany,

    Love reading this and dance video. I'm not so sure there is a guy deserving of all this talent and personality. Loved the speech.

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