I have never had huge life plans. In fact, all I have ever wanted was to be married and have kids.
Despite my lifelong dreams of carpool lines, mini vans and screaming babies, I am currently 31 and super single. Super single is more than regular single. Super single is single without a prospect in the world, unless you count my cousin-husband, which I think only West Virginia does (a good story always leaves you wanting more). It is starting to feel like I actually repel single men. I know God is good and sovereign and his affirmation is better than any man's, but sometimes its just nice for someone to notice you.
For Valentine's I went out with one of my dearest and hottest girl friends. She is the kind of girl that it is intimidating for other girls to be around. I decided to show her the best Atlanta has to offer, so I took her to walk downtown in the middle of the night. Nothing says Atlanta like a legitimate fear you are going to be robbed. We walked around my beautiful city watching couple after disgusting couple giggle on by. After a beautiful and slightly depressing evening, we headed through a line of homeless men to catch our train. As I walked next to my gorgeous friend, one man called out, "Hey girl in the brown jacket" (that was me), "you have a great A@*".
A crack head singled me out and said I had a "great A@*". How sweet of him to notice!?! It felt good. I was living on a cloud for almost a week, until I was rudely brought back to reality. I was driving home with a coworker, when she started telling me that she dated women. She then went on to explain that she didn't choose to date white women, because they don't have booties. Offended I explained to her that according to a very reliable source I was a white girl who happened to have a really great booty, and although I wasn't interested in dating any women, I was curious as to why she wasn't interested in dating me? Her response... "Honestly, I don't find you attractive." Punch. To. The. Gut.
Now I am not interested in dating women or homeless crackheads, but their opinions still deeply matter to me, or at least they did last week. It's like the crackheads compliment was the hit I needed and the coworkers rejection was the crash after the high. I crave for people to see me, not as just a person, but as desirable woman. It doesn't matter where my fulfillment comes as long as it is telling me that I am great and worthy of attention and affection. Above all else, I want people to see me, and find what they see worthy. Of course, in my desire to be seen, it is impossible to see.
I didn't see the man who called out inappropriate compliments. I didn't see him as a tarnished image bearer who had chased fulfillment down an alley, trading the mark of the king, for the high of a night. I didn't see my coworker as a person longing for love and affirmation. I didn't ask her questions about her life dreams, desires and hurts. Instead, I asked her about me. Maybe one day I will get married and have a house full of crazy kids, or maybe I won't. But today, today, I am a child of the one true God. I have the opportunity to see people not for how they can temporarily offer me satisfaction, but for how they can forever be satisfied in him and be adopted into his family. Above all else, I want to see people as God sees them, because they are worthy to be seen.