I am tired, cranky and hopeless. I am sitting in a coffee shop attempting to study and view life from a hopeful perspective. Since I love coffee shops, in theory, it seems this task would be attainable; however, I doubt it. It is cold here, not actually here in the coffee shop, but here in St. Louis, I am cold. My living arrangements are hardly helpful. Unable to afford the expensive gas bills required to keep our old drafty house warm, I opt for warm coffee shops during the day and an electric blanket at night. To be honest, I would probably just sell my body and pay for the heat, but my roommate calls the shots and she calls to keep the heat on 55. Additionally, my roommate is a proponent of the whole if its yellow let it mellow adage. Home life is kind of cold and gross.
Nothing is wrong, but everything feels pointlessly annoying. It is like using lotion in the winter. No matter how often you apply, seconds after, your hands and feet still look dry, crusty and slightly dangerous. Steve (my boyfriend) and I are able to see each other most weekends, which is cool, only I spend Saturdays thinking about Sundays when we are long distance again. Like I said, everything feels pointlessly annoying. I am tired, cranky and hopeless.
I believe the following vignette succinctly describes my first month back in St. Louis. When I am able, I take the train to save on gas money. One day, I decided to take the train and walk the ¾ mile to my unpaid practicum/internship. I arrived early to ensure I didn’t miss my train. I arrive early to most of life. As the train approached, I stood up only to discover the strap on my book bag was stuck in the bench. After 2 embarrassing minutes, I managed to wrangle the pesky buckle out of the bench and run to the train only to have the conductor promptly shut the doors in my face. I beat on the windows as the train sped off leaving me behind. I walked home and drove my car. For safety reasons, it is better that I drive to my unpaid practicum/internship anyway.
Nothing is wrong, but everything feels pointlessly annoying, sort of like reading this blog post or watching the Bachelor.