I had a Dream

Last night, I had this weird dream that one of my brother-in-law’s (BIL) left my sister for a woman named Philomena Grace. The weirdest part of the dream was not BIL’s infidelity with a lady who possessed the same name as my dead Italian great grandmother, but that the dream was sprinkled with friends from my past. Barely awake, I began messaging people whom I have not spoken to in nearly a decade. Since I no longer use social media (freedom) these were very random messages indeed. More complicated was answering the polite questions that followed, “how are you?”, “what has been going on?”

How has my last decade been since we saw each other, the last two years since I blogged and the last 1 year since the world fell apart?  How do you I respond in a text?

My experiences have changed me and how I look at the world. Over the past 2 years I have remained silent on my blog. I have not had the words (shocking to most). I did not think I needed the words, I already wrote them, please review past posts. But despite this, people still seemed confused where I stood, so I will do a quick FAQ on myself (I am also quite the narcissist).

1.       Do I still love Jesus?

I, through God’s spirit, decided to walk with Christ 20 years ago. I have no regrets. I still love Jesus and all the ways he drops the mic, turns the tables, and throws wrenches in the face of culture and theology. I have more questions than I have answers. I am no longer certain about much of the theology that I once thought was basic and absolute. But, Jesus is my rock and Messiah, who alone can speak truth in grace with such force and love that every mouth is stopped.

 2.       Where do I stand on racial tensions in America?

It is shocking to me that people who said they just loved my blog, would ask me this question, but alas, the world is baffling. I believe that racism exists. It is deep in the heart of world systems which includes American systems. Like a wild root, it has grown in the American church, twisting around its theology, culture and people threatening to suck out its very life. Of course, God is much stronger than the roots of sin. I have no fear of God’s true church being choked out. I am sad but I do not despair. I find hope in Godly wrestles of the past (you know I love MLK’s letter from Birmingham jail) and of course in scripture that reminds me “there is nothing new under the sun”.

3.       Where do I stand on political tensions in America?

I was once in a culture that if not explicitly, definitely implicitly, taught me that Christians were republicans. I no longer can sit with such simplistic applications of American systems. I now believe that you can be a strong follower of Jesus and vote for democrats. I mean, I did and no firebolts shot down from heaven to strike me dead. I sleep well at night. I believe there is NO political party that completely follows Jesus. We are all guilty of choosing to honor some of God’s law while ignoring others. I am devastated by the division of the American church in this current political season. I am sad. But what I know to be true is that “God is not mocked; a man will reap what he sows…”

4.       Where do I stand with people who think differently than me?

I love you. I am so baffled by the world and how we can see the same events so differently. I am baffled by my friends who have journeyed life with me and now question my walk with Jesus. I am baffled by the fear and the hatred the animosity that has stirred in all of us. I am baffled, but I still love. I love you for the contributions you have made in my life for how you love me and care for me how you have shepherded me. I love you because when we do not know what else we are to do we fall back on the first and greatest, to love the Lord our God with our heart and soul and to love our neighbor as our self.

5.       Where do I stand romantically (it’s all most people actually care about)?

I am getting married in May. What, shocking!?! Some of you have followed our relationship and have had lots to say. Others had no idea I was dating anyone. Either way, Steve (that’s his name) is kind, gentle, humble, and just the right amount of weird. He loves the Lord and stands in tensions. He is willing to think critically about issues and fight against American Christian culture while still clinging to the cross. Some will consider us, too liberal, others, too conservative. Some doubt our compatibility and others think we are adorable.

On this MLK day, I had a dream which prompted a blog post about myself. It also prompted me to name my future child, Philomena Grace. Might I recommend some resources that are less narcistic and more thought provoking and profound?

1. Available this week “Out of the Mountain of Despair, A stone of Hope: https://www.thegrowcenter.com/remembering-dr-king
2. An amazing podcast, by the creator of Veggie Tales (once my marker of American Protestant Christianity): https://www.holypost.com/
3. As always, shameless plug for you to check out MLK’s Letter from Birmingham Jail available in multiple formats after a quick google search.
4. For your musical pleasures: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jusAnLIFE3k