A Letter from the Bride

Like many little girls, I dreamed of my wedding day.  To avoid blatant gendered stereotypes, I would like to acknowledge that many fellas also dream about their wedding day, including my groom. For my wedding I dreamed of an elaborate affair with me skiing in with a white bikini. The food would be the height of gourmet featuring a multi-tiered pizza cake made of different sized pizza, buckets of hot french fries with every type of dipping sauce imaginable and, of course, an ice cream bar for dessert.

What was not in my dream was being a single bridesmaid 17 times. Yes, I said 17. And, I definitely didn’t dream of planning my wedding as a 38-year-old bride days after I finish graduate school, in the middle of a global pandemic. May I also note my dreams did not include me walking down the aisle to a string quartet in a full length white dress that completely covers my bikini.

I waited to be a bride my whole life, but now that I am actually preparing to be a bride, I am realizing that it is trickier than I imagined.

I realize now that weddings aren’t just about my dreams; they encompass lots of different people’s dreams and expectations. My mom dreamed of planning a traditionally acceptable wedding, my mother-in-law dreamed of her first dance at her eldest son’s wedding, my handsome groom dreamed of a wedding where all our friends and family would frolic at a park, and my dad dreamed of a wedding that didn’t break the bank. Everyone seems to have different opinions and expectations. Some of my bridesmaids want dresses without sleeves, swearing they will have heat stroke under the South Carolina sun. Others voted for dresses with sleeves so they wouldn’t feel self conscious about people looking at their arms as they walk down the aisle to a string quartet.

COVID is an entirely different stressor. I have people who want assurance of our COVID safety measures expressing their commitment to us, the bride and groom, but also their conflicting fear of getting COVID and not being able to see critically ill family members or fearing for the safety of family members who are already ill who are planning to attend the wedding. On the flipside there are those who vehemently express their belief that safety measures are a personal choice and it is offensive to tell grown-a@@ people they have to wear a mask.  

I have accepted that my wedding will be vastly different than my dreams. I am not mad.  I fully trust it will be more beautiful and magical than anything I dreamed about when I was 6.  We know that our wedding day will not fully meet anyone's expectations, including our own. We are happy to lay down some of comforts for the sake of others' needs, all we ask in exchange is some grace, kindness, flexibility and white bikinis or not a commitment to have a good time. I have waited too dern long for any party poopers.

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).