That Time We Almost Killed Our Grandma...
Philly (my great Grandma), arrived in the US from Italy, when she was 16 years old. She came to the US in the days when you taught your kids to be A'murican! Anyway, that's what I blame for knowing little to no Italian. Growing up she spoke rusty English in a thick aggressive Italian accent. From as early a time as I can remember she'd "offer" me wine. It was an offer I couldn't refuse. Philly may have been a short stalky woman, but she was definitely not to be messed with.
When I was in college, I could tell Philly was getting older, I mean she was like 98 at that point. One day, when Philly was 99.5, my grandparents left mia sorella gemalla and I to grandma sit (babysit sounds condescending). Anyway, we were sitting around the kitchen table trying to keep Philly entertained. She kept moaning while tears were forming in her eyes. We were scared, but looking back, I think she was just saying... I am old. We tried to get her to eat to no avail. Mia gemalla was reading to her from the Bible, but all the terrible stuff... Woe to him... surely be put to death, etc... etc... Obviously Hell, Fire and Brimstone was not helping, since the moaning only increased. In an act of desperation, we started using every Italian word we knew... "Bella" "Grazie" "Statta Zit e Mang"
The moaning and tears only increased. As we reached our point of hopelessness, Philly locked her body in a straight line and started to slide out of her wheel chair. We sprinted over to pull up her lead like body, while still speaking every Italian word we knew. We tried to push her back in her chair, but she wasn't having it. In an act of desperation, we decided to attempt to move her to her bed so she could watch the rosary, an exciting option for a 99.5 year old. Mia gemalla pulled the chair from the front while holding on to Philly's feet that were dragging on the ground, and I pushed from the back holding up her shoulders. Gemalla pulled while I pushed through the doorway to the dining room. As I pushed, the chair got caught on the floor leading into the dining room and started to lean forward. Mia gemalla lost her footing and fell to the ground. Philly, body still locked, flew out of the chair and landed on mia gemalla like a moaning brick..
There I stood, on the other side of the doorway, with a chair in between and no way around. My 99.5 year old great grandmother was laid on top of my sister who was trying to form whole sentences yelling "Bella" "Bella" with different inflections. It was at that exact moment that I heard my grandparents car pull up. I ran outside leaving my sister laying under our 99.5 year old grandmother. I wanted to be the first to tell my grandparents that we had managed to kill Philly in just 2 hours of babysitting. My grandpa went into the house, picked her up, moved her to bed, turned on the rosary and said... "Ah she's fine, that's normal."
When I was in college, I could tell Philly was getting older, I mean she was like 98 at that point. One day, when Philly was 99.5, my grandparents left mia sorella gemalla and I to grandma sit (babysit sounds condescending). Anyway, we were sitting around the kitchen table trying to keep Philly entertained. She kept moaning while tears were forming in her eyes. We were scared, but looking back, I think she was just saying... I am old. We tried to get her to eat to no avail. Mia gemalla was reading to her from the Bible, but all the terrible stuff... Woe to him... surely be put to death, etc... etc... Obviously Hell, Fire and Brimstone was not helping, since the moaning only increased. In an act of desperation, we started using every Italian word we knew... "Bella" "Grazie" "Statta Zit e Mang"
The moaning and tears only increased. As we reached our point of hopelessness, Philly locked her body in a straight line and started to slide out of her wheel chair. We sprinted over to pull up her lead like body, while still speaking every Italian word we knew. We tried to push her back in her chair, but she wasn't having it. In an act of desperation, we decided to attempt to move her to her bed so she could watch the rosary, an exciting option for a 99.5 year old. Mia gemalla pulled the chair from the front while holding on to Philly's feet that were dragging on the ground, and I pushed from the back holding up her shoulders. Gemalla pulled while I pushed through the doorway to the dining room. As I pushed, the chair got caught on the floor leading into the dining room and started to lean forward. Mia gemalla lost her footing and fell to the ground. Philly, body still locked, flew out of the chair and landed on mia gemalla like a moaning brick..
There I stood, on the other side of the doorway, with a chair in between and no way around. My 99.5 year old great grandmother was laid on top of my sister who was trying to form whole sentences yelling "Bella" "Bella" with different inflections. It was at that exact moment that I heard my grandparents car pull up. I ran outside leaving my sister laying under our 99.5 year old grandmother. I wanted to be the first to tell my grandparents that we had managed to kill Philly in just 2 hours of babysitting. My grandpa went into the house, picked her up, moved her to bed, turned on the rosary and said... "Ah she's fine, that's normal."
In conclusion, "what is normal, anyway," and yeh, we didn't kill our grandma.
Comments
Post a Comment