Don't Know Where I'm Going, but I Know Where I've Been.

March 10, 2014

Don't Know Where I'm Going, but I Know Where I've Been.

Currently, I am applying for jobs, watching a movie and, more accurately, writing this blog post. You see, I quit my job, well I turned in a letter of resignation for June. Because I live and work in a college dorm, when I quit my job I also gave myself my own eviction notice. Yes, I know that I should not have quit my job before I had a new job lined up, but unless you have lived in a college dorm for 9 years or more, don't judge. I had to get out. Had to. Love my students, but I'm 30. Again, 30, not 22, 30. So here I sit, chocolate in hand, with my imminent joblessness and homelessness looming.

I don't know where I am going, but I do know where I have been. The night before I moved to Chicago, I remember my sister asking in a concerned voice, "should we tell someone?" My aunt's mercedes was packed with all of my earthly possessions, how was I going to tell her I had no money and no job. That 13 hours to Chicago seemed endless as the anxious pit in my stomach continued to grow. I knew God had called me, and therefore it was on God's shoulders to provide, and so He did. It wasn't always easy. People would leave food and clothes at my door, or envelopes of cash when tuition time rolled around. By my last year in Chicago, I had two jobs. God had provided, and I had it made.

And then... graduation rolled around. Like all campus jobs, graduation equals termination. So upon graduating, I would be jobless and homeless. The fear returned growing in the pit of my stomach. I anticipated the worst, but, despite my worst fears, two weeks after I left Chicago, I was living in a new state & home and beginning a new job. The Lord provided, as he always does, when He was ready.

So now 3 years later,the same circumstances are looming over my head. I quit my job, and will, by extension, lose my home. I don't know where I am going or even where to start looking. Sometimes I sense that same fear starting to creep up in my belly. I try not to stay in the "what if's" the "why me's". They aren't real. I may not know where I'm going, but I know where I've been. God will provide, when He is ready, fear or not.