Memorizing Every Second

I remember my last day at 2227 Rosewood Drive. I sat on the porch of our empty home watching cars stare as they drove by. I knew things would never be the same and I wanted to memorize every second of my home and the family that we had all become.

Years later I was overwhelmed with the same feelings as I prepared to leave Chicago.  It was the perfect night as we walked around the city taking in every building and talking about everything but my forever goodbye.  As you choked back your tears, I know you interpreted my somber face with confusion deeming me cold and indifferent. I never meant to leave.  I wanted to stay more than I ever wanted to leave.  The car was packed, and we had passed the point of no return, so instead of crying I tried to memorize.

Tonight, as most of you know, I begin my trip to Cambodia. I am only leaving for 10 days, but when I return everything will be different. I am hesitant to say I am moving, although it is becoming more and more realistic. I feel like I have to say something, so that you know how to interpret my seemingly cold and somber face. I love you, each of you, a whole freaking lot.  Goodbyes don't come easily for me, but when you are choking back tears, please know that I am taking it all in.