Stuck in the Middle
For the past decade my life has been stuck in the middle of an ABC family film. ABC Family films, for those of you who are not teenage girls, are poorly casted, poorly acted and poorly plotted romantic comedies where in the middle the leading lady (in our case, me) goes through a lot of life humiliating terrible moments. By the end of the movie she finds her soul-mate in the form of a Christmas Elf/Model or a Truck Driver/Model and they both live happily ever after with their family of future models.
Like I said before, my life is sort of stuck in the middle. I recently moved to Atlanta to live the dream, well to live my dream. I don't know your dream! Anyway my dream was to move, unemployed, to hood-burbia in a major city (Hot-Lanta) with my newly married sister and her husband and one of my all time favorite cousins. Ok, this wasn't my dream as a five-year-old, but marrying a Latin model has proven harder than my 5-year-old mind fathomed. Dreams change.
I believed we would all get amazing jobs seeking social justice and peace for our new city! Instead, I beat out a line of 16-year-olds to work for $8/hr at a candy store in the mall. It turns out a masters is good for something! I wear a hot pink polo, an apron and a hair net (when I am making items). I serve ritzy moms who want to buy $4 chocolate bars, and who have clearly never heard of a snickers. When I get home I talk to my only friends, the fam, and then I let my dog sleep in my bed. She smells bad, but she loves me so I make do.
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Yesterday, my new pastor, was preaching about believing the whole truth in times trial. Yes, our circumstances may seem rough, hard or impossible, but God is bigger and has a purpose beyond what we can imagine. I sat bitterly listening. I know his words are true. I know that God is real and his plans are perfect, but it isn't easy to believe. I am bitter, angry and jealous. My life is not going how I imagined. I watch my friends receive blessing after blessing while I hand out dark chocolate candies that I can't afford to buy. I love other people's kids, while trying to let go of dreams of having my own. I pray for your relationship woes while I snuggle up next to my puppy.
So I am bitter, angry and jealous, but I am also ignorant. I am ignorant of the many small ways God is trying to teach my stubborn tail (edited for the holier than me)! I am ignorant of all the ways God is trying to use me, if I would just let him. I am ignorant of the many angels surrounding and protecting me. And I am so so so very ignorant of the grace that is constantly pouring down over my bad attitude and selfish rights. Knowing truth is so much easier than believing it, but knowing truth is the first half of the battle. And as you know, I am currently stuck in the middle.
Like I said before, my life is sort of stuck in the middle. I recently moved to Atlanta to live the dream, well to live my dream. I don't know your dream! Anyway my dream was to move, unemployed, to hood-burbia in a major city (Hot-Lanta) with my newly married sister and her husband and one of my all time favorite cousins. Ok, this wasn't my dream as a five-year-old, but marrying a Latin model has proven harder than my 5-year-old mind fathomed. Dreams change.
I believed we would all get amazing jobs seeking social justice and peace for our new city! Instead, I beat out a line of 16-year-olds to work for $8/hr at a candy store in the mall. It turns out a masters is good for something! I wear a hot pink polo, an apron and a hair net (when I am making items). I serve ritzy moms who want to buy $4 chocolate bars, and who have clearly never heard of a snickers. When I get home I talk to my only friends, the fam, and then I let my dog sleep in my bed. She smells bad, but she loves me so I make do.
Yesterday, my new pastor, was preaching about believing the whole truth in times trial. Yes, our circumstances may seem rough, hard or impossible, but God is bigger and has a purpose beyond what we can imagine. I sat bitterly listening. I know his words are true. I know that God is real and his plans are perfect, but it isn't easy to believe. I am bitter, angry and jealous. My life is not going how I imagined. I watch my friends receive blessing after blessing while I hand out dark chocolate candies that I can't afford to buy. I love other people's kids, while trying to let go of dreams of having my own. I pray for your relationship woes while I snuggle up next to my puppy.
So I am bitter, angry and jealous, but I am also ignorant. I am ignorant of the many small ways God is trying to teach my stubborn tail (edited for the holier than me)! I am ignorant of all the ways God is trying to use me, if I would just let him. I am ignorant of the many angels surrounding and protecting me. And I am so so so very ignorant of the grace that is constantly pouring down over my bad attitude and selfish rights. Knowing truth is so much easier than believing it, but knowing truth is the first half of the battle. And as you know, I am currently stuck in the middle.
Me too.
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