Surviving a Break-Up: Advice through Song

I have been semi-fine with my non-existant Atlanta dating life, because, whelp it’s only been 3 months and most of my closest Atlanta friends are 10 and under, which, even for me, is too young.  Last night my friend was sitting on my couch- the refuge of my home, when he asked me if I had been on any coffee dates in Atlanta. I said “No.”  He then asked me to clarify if I had rejected a bunch of offers or if I just hadn’t received any offers. Wasn’t it enough to ask if I had been on any coffee dates in Atlanta, did we need to remind me that this was not by choice?  As any serious blog follower knows, coffee dates are not my specialty, although I do love coffee. I think I prefer my men to buy me the coffee and then let me sit alone with my Bible. That is my time, well the Lord’s time, but you know what I am saying.

Regardless of how many cities I move to, dating is not my specialty, but break-ups might be. I have experienced every type of break-up:  the I wish I didn’t’ have to do this, the I can’t wait to be over this and the what are you doing to me, break-up. I have had the serious crying in public, falling to my knees, break up and the please stop crying in public you are embarrassing me, break ups. I have experienced criticisms for staying in the depths of depression too long and the criticisms for being over it too fast. In the world of break-ups, I am queen, I even have a playlist.  (You should not experience any major life moment without a mix). So I hereby give you my Surviving Break-Up Advice (through song)…

1.       When the heart breaks, no it don’t break even. But it really doesn’t. Rarely, rarely, are two people on the same page about a break-up. Usually, one hurts more than the other. When you are the one suffering it’s excruciating to watch the other person pick up their life and move on without batting an eye, but they do. Don’t let someone else’s indifference belittle your heartache. It is yours, own it, because you can’t change how it feels.

2.       Unbreak my heart, say you love me again, uncry these tears that I cried… Imagine yourself singing this song, sobbing in the shower. We, the break-up experts, have all been there. The days when Toni Braxton is your mantra. You sing her at a karaoke party and strangers come up to tell you that you should see somebody. It is possible that you swear at them. Give yourself the freedom to cry one-sided tears, to have emotional break downs in public. Screw it. This pain won’t last forever, but while it’s there, stop caring what people think, your goal is to make it not to fake it.

3.       You want me to forget, pretend we haven’t met, and I try and I try but I haven’t yet, you walk by and I fall to pieces. Please be ok with set-backs. When you start to think you are over it, you are probably still not ready to see the person who tore your heart out and crushed it into 1,000 pieces. One day I was actually listening to this song when I ran into my ex. I literally almost had a nervous break-down. It has been almost a decade since this moment, but if it happened again, I would probably still need time to recover.

4.       I bust the windows out your car. But it don’t compare to my broken heart. You are going to get angry. There will be a day when the tears stop and you realize all the things this person did to you, and you will want revenge. Anger is ok. It is natural and a part of the process, but honestly, it doesn’t fix anything. My advice, if you gotta break something, break the stuff they left you, or break someone else’s stuff, but don’t go to their house to break stuff. A. You’ll get arrested. B. You will give them the satisfaction of seeing how much they hurt you. As my wise sister told me, never give them the satisfaction of seeing you cry or seeing you without make-up (the last part is just for the ladies- I hope). Seeing me insane is a right reserved for those who actually want to date me.

5.       I’m gonna make you love me! No, no you will not. You HAVE to resist the urge to call, text, send gifts to your ex. It doesn’t help. The second after you dial that number you will be filled with dread and defeat. The second after they answer or you leave a super sappy emotionally unstable message, you will want to take it all back. DO NOT DO IT! Delete their number, delete them off of facebook and twitter (actually also get off all social media for a while, have a friend change your passwords). Don’t trust yourself. You will fail.

6.       All the way my Savior leads me,
Cheers each winding path I tread,
Gives me grace for every trial,
Feeds me with the living Bread.
Though my weary steps may falter
And my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see;
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see.

As always, remember, Jesus is your sweet refuge. He was before and he will be after. Your pain will grow your understanding of His perfect and ceaseless love that will never forsake and never reject. Thank you Jesus.