Praying for my 6-Pack Back

I love summer! Summer has always highlighted my best physical attribute, my abs.  I was born with amazing abs, and I naively believed that I would be able to keep my awesome abs forever. Likely a result of the tragic combination of turning thirty and loving french fries, but my abs have definitely seen better days.  I know I need to go to the gym and eat less crap, but as hard as I try, right now it seems impossible. Eating crap is the most exciting part of my day. Plus, I have a long commute to work and then a longer commute home. I have to get up super early, and when I finally arrive home we have to start making dinner. I don’t have the time or energy to actually work out, but as soon as I get a job closer to my home, I will.  I am planning on it; I am just waiting for a change in my current circumstances.

I actually rarely “make” dinner. I eat it, but usually I let someone else make it.  Eleven hours away from home doing a job you do not enjoy, zaps every last bit of energy from your body. Most days, by the time I make it home, I don’t even want to move, let alone figure out something everyone is willing to eat.  On the few days that it is nice outside, I choose to soak up the sun instead of staying inside and cooking. I used to love cooking and I was good at it. Now I’m satisfied with preparing a plate of tater tots.  My sister or cousin typically do all the cooking and the cleaning.  I don’t have the time or energy to actually cook or clean, but as soon as I get a job that gives me life, I will.  I am planning on it; I just have to wait. 

Since I don’t have a job that gives me life or energy, I decided, initially, to invest in more life giving endeavors, people. But, honestly I am not planning on staying at my job forever, and the people here are so different from me. It doesn’t make sense to invest. I try to be nice and smile, but I don’t try to really get to know anyone. My only goal is survival.  If I had a job that was a better fit for my personality and coworkers that I naturally connected with, I would be excited for work. People would see my joy and talking about my faith in Jesus would just come easily.  As soon as God gives me the job He created for me, I will use it as a ministry.  I am planning on it, but right now I’m just surviving and praying for better circumstances.

My sister has the perfect job. She always gets to invest in people and have gospel conversations.  She is constantly inviting her new friends over to have dinner or celebrate American holidays with our family. It’s actually quite annoying. I am usually distant and cold. It’s not fair that she gets to have this awesome life and ministry while I have nothing.  I know that I should be a better host and love on these guests, it is just hard.  As soon as I find my own purpose, it will be easier for me to love on my sister’s friends. I will become a better godlier host, I will. I really am planning on it.

So I am currently just waiting for God to give me a life-giving, purpose-filled, laid-back job in my community, where I don’t have to commute and where I can connect with diverse people. I believe He can do it, and once He does, then I will be able to work out, cook dinners, invest in people's lives, and be a kinder more generous host. When God changes my circumstances, I will become the person He wants me to become.

Despite it all, I do have this sneaky suspicion that the sovereign, perfect and all-powerful God who has perfectly aligned every aspect of the universe, may have purposely placed me in the exact circumstances He needs to mold me into the person that He desires for me to be.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.

Phil 4:11-14