Short-Cut to Survival for the Intuitively-Challenged

Since I have no intuition, I attempt to simultaneously believe both the best and worst of people, ensuring that I am never wrong.  It also makes me appear slightly emotionally unstable.  Trying to discern the good from the bad in my current stage of life is leaving my hopeful cynicism fried.  I feel like a kid who gets handed candy and then slapped for taking it.

Although, I have grown accustomed to praise in one breathe and disdain in the next, I am still confused by what I am supposed to do with it? Is there a short-cut to aid the intuitive-less in navigating this dirty dog world?!?

Yes, as you may be expecting, this is going to lead into another LIST!

To help myself and others like me, I bring you the:

Short-Cut to Survival for the Intuitively-Challenged

1. Never Trust Your First Opinion, because, it’s wrong.

Most people (myself a clear exception) try to give you their best FIRST impression. People tell/show you only what they WANT you to see, not necessarily who they truly are. Since, I can’t discern any more than I see, I tend to believe first impressions and get shocked when the truth comes.   Fortunately, the truth always comes out, you just have to wait for it. If you are like me, it’s imperative for you to wait a LONG time before you jump in to anything.

Application: Like the people you initially dislike,  distrust the people you initially love, and marry the people you initially loathe.

2. Don’t Speak, until you know who you can trust, and, even then, keep your mouth shut.

For year’s my sister’s ringtone when I called her was John Mayer’s “My stupid mouth got me in trouble again!” Oh man, does my mouth get me in trouble! Currently, I want to scream my concerns off of the rooftop, but I know that I can’t. As hard as it is, I am trying, key word TRYING, to guard my words and actions.  I am sure you are aware of the irony that I am publicly blogging this advice. Did I mention I am a work in progress?

Application: Trust no one who drives a Prius, and always pretend you are a double-agent. Everyone is out to get you, and they are recording what you say. 

3. Watch! Observe how people speak to those that “don’t” matter, not those that “do”. 

As the only staff member sitting in a cubicle outside a slew of important offices, this has been easy to apply; I just wait and see how people treat me.  Of course, since this blog is all about my lack of intuition, it is also important that I ask my more perceptive friends to tell me how I am being treated! Sometimes I miss things. Just remember, people are always nice when you have something they need. 

Application: Try to be as unneeded as possible.

4. Trust Actions not Words.

When you don’t possess a 6^th sense, it is important that you use your other senses.  Remember, it doesn’t matter what someone says, it matters what they do. This is especially helpful advice to apply when dating.  I haven’t personally applied it to my Atlanta dating life, since I don’t have one, but, in theory, it’s good. (I have decided that the men of Atlanta are intimidated by my 6am completely in the dark 5 minute beauty routine. There are other possible explanations, but I prefer this one!) 

Application: Wear headphones so you can't actually be tricked by people's words. Also, feel free to hook me up, because my womb is ticking. 

5. “Never trust a female!” advice from my cousin. 

I am not saying that you can’t trust any females, but I am saying that you can't trust most females. Females are better at hiding their true feelings and intentions, especially with other women. And as daughters of Eve, we can be downright manipulative. When it comes to working with females, claws out.  Since this advice does come to you from a female, be wary.

Application: If you work in an office with lots of females, get your nails done weekly.

 In conclusion, when distinguishing the sheep from the wolves in sheep’s clothing, be as innocent as doves and as wise as serpents (Matthew 10:16)!