Boyz II Men

I met a boy. I had forgotten how much I love boys. My life doesn’t grant me many interactions with guys, especially my type of guy. I was starting to consider myself asexual, but, alas, I am definitely not. I am hard-wired to be drawn to guys with crazy stories, troubled souls and sordid pasts. Maybe this pull stems from the fact that all of my favorite men from childhood were alcoholics, womanizers and gamblers.

I actually attribute all of these things to my current singleness. My issue is that I am attracted to the boy, but won’t settle for anything less than the man. There is a distinct difference between the boy and the man. One of my secret joys in life is watching the boy choose to be a man. So it is for these men that I list the challenges and differences between the boy and the man (in no particular order; however, the last is the most important).

1.  The boy speaks. The man acts.
I often get drawn into the flirtatious words or the deep theological ponderings of the boy. When I was younger, I took their words for fact. I built their character around what they said they wanted or who they said they were. Now that I am older, I have learned that words are only words. Time always proves the truth, not based on what was said in the past, but based on actions that take place in the present. The boy speaks. The man acts.

2.  The boy uses relationships, whereas the man opts for loneliness.
I am always drawn to the boy because it seems he actually needs me. I love to be needed. I love to fix. It has taken me way too long to realize that I can’t fix anyone.  The boy is looking for a relationship to cure him, a warm body to keep him from feeling alone. He is selfish in his pursuit. The man has realized that no person can ever fill an empty soul, and no amount of company can fix a lonely heart. Ironically it is only when you embrace solitude that you are able to have true community. “Solitude is where Jesus listened to God. It is where we listen to God. Solitude is where community begins” (Nouwen).

3.  “The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering” (C.S. Lewis).
When his mother passed away at a young age, Lewis responded in anger and hatred towards God. He chose to ignore the root of his pain, masking it with the quick and temporary fix. God’s persistent pursuit finally caught Lewis, completely wrecking his life. Years later, his wife passed. It was in this moment Lewis had a choice. Abandon God? Find a quick fix to mask the pain? Or, he could, as a man, choose to sit in the suffering and trust God to change him through it. He chose suffering.

4. The boy’s life is a wandering road. The man has set a steady course.
I dated a boy. I loved that boy. He broke my heart when he changed his mind and direction. My, sweet, much older and wiser friend responded with, “as a woman, we need a Steady Eddie.” A boy professes his love and plans his future, but a man chooses the steady, wise and often less desirable choice. A man has learned the delicate task of discerning the good from the best, of denying pleasure for integrity. Discernment takes time, but if you wait long enough, you will be able to distinguish the boy from the man by the steadiness of his course. The man will never be perfect, but he has chosen to model his life after the ultimate Steady Eddie (Numbers 23:19).
 
5. The boy is still attempting to become a better man. The man has finally yielded his life to the Best man.
Your own stubborn efforts will never truly make you a better person. You will try and try and fail and fail. You may change the outside, but, inside, inside, hides the truth.  You are not enough. You are only pretending to be a man and hoping no one sees the little boy inside. It is when faced with this depressing and hopeless reality that the man yields to the best man. Only when we look to Christ will the boy ever become the man.  This is not my own logic, but His: Hebrews 4:15, Ephesians 2:1-10, Matthew 11:27, John 10:9

I am a girl. I remember I am a girl when I giggle at flirtatious remarks, attempt to look better outside than inside, and when I hope beyond hope you will notice me. The girl sees what you want, but the woman sees beyond what you want to what you actually need. The woman sees not what you are, but what Christ has created you to be. The girl falls in love with the boy, but the woman invites you to be a man. 

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