There's a Hole in My Bucket!

I haven’t had the words. Shocking. I need the words. Instead of words, I have feelings. Well, I think they are feelings. Maybe it is better to say, a lack of feelings. I have this hole.

I know what you are thinking. I have a “God-shaped hole” that only God can fill to make me whole. I am a Christian, so that can’t be it. The “God-shaped hole” thing is what we say to convince someone to believe in Jesus. We tell them, only God can fix it, make you whole. It is the bumper sticker, “No God. No Peace. Know God. Know Peace.” It reminds me of another bumper sticker. “No S*@&.”

No, this hole is different. It is unfillable. I mean I try, but when I give it what it wants, it just wants more.  You can’t tell me enough how great I am, how talented, how nice, how kind, how beautiful. It is like scratching a forgotten mosquito bite, waking a sleeping giant, attempting to eat one Oreo!?!

Maybe I wasn't affirmed enough as a child, maybe it is the twin complex thing, maybe I am just a sinner. Who really knows! I just know that it is there subtly telling me to be more, do more, know more.  It has an insatiable desire. Exhausting to not only myself, but to everyone around me.   My theory is that I am not the only one with a hole in my soul, but it is the universal product of the fall. The hole may cry out for something different to fill it, but it is there crying out… feed me. Some days it lies dormant, some days it is screaming in a microphone, feed me. It reminds me of this children's nursery rhyme that apparently no one has heard but me.

There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

        Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.
 
With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, with what?

        With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, with straw.

The straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long.

        Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it.

With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, with what?

        With an axe, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        With an axe, dear Henry, dear Henry, an axe.

The axe is too dull, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The axe is too dull, dear Liza, too dull.

        Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, sharpen it.

With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, with what?

        With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, a stone.

The stone is too dry, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The stone is too dry, dear Liza, too dry.

        Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, wet it.

With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, with what?

        With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, with water.

In what shall I carry it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
In what shall I carry it, dear Liza, in what?

        In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, in a bucket.

Attempting to “fill/feed” the hole on your own is asinine. Pretending it doesn’t exist is foolish. Offering other people a “quick fix,” is cruel. It just leaves you and them disenchanted when “it” doesn’t work, the gospel didn’t take. Lies. You were saved by the gospel so that you can live by the gospel. Kinda like that whole live by the gun die by the gun thing, only completely and totally different.  Salvation was never intended to be a one-stop shop. When you are saved all your problems don't just disappear, some, maybe, but not all.  The battle is real. The difference is now you know there is a battle and you have someone fighting with and for you. Oh, and we also know the ending, we win.

Lord, I need you, today. I yield to you today, this very second. I confess that I have a hole in my heart that longs for love, affirmation and approval. I need for you to fill the hole in my heart. To renew me with your living water (Jer 2:13), your daily bread (Luke 11:3), and your morning mercies (Lamentations 3:22-23).  Forgive me for the ways that I attempt to look perfect and holy instead of admitting my total and utter need for your constant and consistent renewal.

There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

        Let Jesus fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        Let Him fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry... the hole.