Inexplicable Sadness

I have been sad for the last 24 hours. I am trying to shake it, but I just can’t seem to manage. Like they say, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon and I am in my bed listening to my classic soul station sing about classic heartaches, eating PB&J the food of the lonely and drinking the beverage of the brokenhearted.

The problem is my heart isn’t actually broken. It just feels sad. I think I prefer to be sad without a reason, but I am not quite sure on that one. The weirdest thing is that I made it through Valentine’s completely unscathed, but then February 15^th hit and all these uncontrollable emotions decided to show up. Since I am a faithful follower of “This is Us,” it is possible that I am suffering from residual second-hand sadness. 

Either way, I can’t shake this image of living in my sister’s basement for the next 20 years listening to classic soul whilst* eating my PB&J.  *(I have chosen whilst over while, because we all know attempting to speak in a shoddy English accent is the surest way to shake inexplicable sadness)

The most ridiculous part of all of this is that I absolutely LOVE living with my family, love Sam Cooke, love PB&J and love the beverage of the brokenhearted. On any normal day this mini pity party I am throwing for myself would bring me so much joy, but, today, today for some reason its not working. I cannot shake the sadness.

I know, no matter how real it feels, it’s not real. I know that I am not schizophrenic, but if you could see inside my head, you might be skeptical. My soul is being attacked with an endless montage of “ the nevers” “the always” “the hopeless” and the “not good enoughs.” The floodgates have been opened and I do not have the strength within myself to hold back the water.

“Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 7:24-25).

Thanks be! We do not fight against the things that we can see, but we are in a battle of soul and mind, a battle of which we are not fit to fight on our own. Praise the Lord, that he equips the fighter, fights the fight and has already won the war.

Ephesians 6:10-20

Today, whether you are happy or sad, lonely or loved, cling to Jesus in desperation, the healer of our souls. 

 (And, if in your fight for Jesus, you get hungry, try PB&J and a broken heart approved beverage)! Just don't give up!