Tis Sweet & Twisted: A Post about my Online Dating Experience

For weeks, I have been trying to find the time to write to you about my online dating experience. Despite my deep desire to give you EVERY hilarious moment of my awkwardness, I will attempt to relay all the hilarious moments in a much briefer and less overwhelming synopsis.

Synopsis: My twin sister, Abby, has decided to channel her inner me and start cat-fishing men on my behalf. It is very sweet and twisted all at the same time- my favorite.  Once she has hooked the unsuspecting gentleman, she then gives them my personal contact information, typically without my consent or knowledge. So far, I have communicated with at least 4 of her catches.

The first one was a man named Ernesto who apparently also started following me on Instagram. Creepy. Ernesto was a total bust. Abby did not tell either of us what was happening so we spent 30 minutes texting back and forth trying to figure out who the heck we were speaking with. In the end, I said, "I am Brittany, not Abby." He said, "Who is Abby, and haven't I been speaking to Brittany the whole time." Silence.

Next came British Nate. I don't think he is actually British, but after Abby ended a particularly stimulating conversation with "Tis," he began emailing me long monologues all in Old English. An excerpt from British Nate:

Hello Madame Brittany:

Sharing words has been much introvert fun. My cerebral quietude greatly enjoys smuggling life into words. May the approaching evening greet you peacefully and gift you rest, despite any storms.

      

I didn't respond. 

This past Monday, represented a break-through in my sister's online dating experience, my first ever in person meeting. After extensive google stalking, I decided that John was an actual believer, a non-rapist who spoke in what seemed to be a post-Shakespearean style English. So, I decided to meet online John offline at a coffee shop outside of the city. All I had to do was meet him in person and be normal. As we all know, being normal is not my MO, but I tried. When he explained that he recently bought a leash for his cat, I made a witty but encouraging joke. When he mentioned watching Fox News for fun, I added more gentle loving wit. Since everything was going surprisingly well, I decided it was time to seal the deal and be myself. Before I could even think about what Abby would do, the words began pouring out of my mouth. 

Silence. Shut down. It was over. 

Upon hearing that he had actually been speaking to my sister for two weeks and not me, John could not respond, and he hasn't responded for the past week. I did tell him that I was planning on posting a blog about our date so it is possible he is simply waiting for my review. He then asked that I change his name, which, as you might guess, is not actually John.

I met our last guy yesterday at a fancy restaurant for brunch, which was actually breakfast since I insisted on meeting at 9am. I love my Saturdays and was scared that if this date tanked like the last one, I would have wasted my entire Saturday morning. Unacceptable. Despite my best efforts, no jokes were made. I tried, I really did, but I may have accidentally yawned. 

Synopsis of the Synopsis:

1. Dating Stinks. 
2. I am weird.

Spiritual Synopsis:

I love that God loves me, and He delights in my weirdness. I love that my sister loves me and is attempting to overcome my weirdness. I love the hope that comes from knowing I have a good, good heavenly father who delights in giving good gifts (Matthew 7:9-11). I love that my online dating experience is sweet, twisted and blog-worthy.