Embracing the Blessing of Anxiety or of a Serial Killer

I am naturally an anxious person. As a 7-year-old, my Grandma Rosa told me I was going to have a heart attack from all my worry and stress! The thing is I don’t like to be surprised, which means I always have to have a plan for the worst possible scenarios. I do this naturally. I always have. In addition to my natural inclination for anxiety, I currently have a fairly anxiety producing, stress-inducing life.

I work in Atlanta: I commute every day in one of the worst trafficked areas in the nation. Combine that with my being a terrible driver, and you have an ulcer waiting to happen. Every time I get in the car, I prepare myself for a car accident, which is ridiculous because I only get in accidents every other time I get behind the wheel.

I manage a day center for women & children: After I make it through my stress inducing commute, I arrive at work where I weave my car through milk crates, suitcases, tarps and sleeping women. I am greeted with the stale smell of urine, feces and sometimes vomit. I then enter my super calm office to figure out which staff member is/isn’t showing up, who is fighting, will fight or did fight. Every day 100-130 women, children, and dogs show up to my door with a variety of needs, fears, anxieties and tempers. I know that at the end of the week, if I haven’t seen a naked woman, dialed 911, been cussed out, or comforted a crying staff member, then the rapture has happened.

 I live in a commune: After I leave my super peaceful job, and make it through the hour of start and stop traffic, I finally make it home. I am greeted by a 2-year-old who wishes I was someone else, an infant who spits up curdled milk every time you pick her up, and the neighbor kids who somehow know exactly when my car pulls into the driveway. I attempt to use what is left of my energy to love each of these kiddos well. Most days I fail.

I have a friend who works in prairies. Some days I want to quit my life and move to a quiet traffic-less, chaos-free, prairie.  In lieu of quitting life and moving to a prairie to live off the land, where you will inevitably be killed by a wild prairie dog or a deranged serial killer, here are a few things I am “trying” in order to find peace and calm amidst anxiety and stress:

1.       Stop attempting to justify your feelings: Certain people at my job are always asking me why I am stressed. Seriously! Questions like that make me:

Want to scream!

Want to lash out a senseless fury.

Want to justify why I feel the way I feel.

But at the end of the day, I feel the way I feel. We all have different thresholds for stress, different combinations of stressors and different ways of expressing how we are feeling. It is pointless to try justify or compare how you feel with someone who doesn’t get it! It will just leave you feeling more stressed and angry. At the end of the day, you and I feel the way we feel, and that is okay, no matter how everyone else is feeling.

2.       Figure out how you feel: When we reach our max, it is often difficult to pinpoint exact emotions, so you might need to slow down and let your body tell you.

a.       Take a beat. Focus on intentional mindfulness.  Breath- slowly, deeply.

b.      Walk, Run, Dance. Do something physical to release the anxious tension. (You can get pretty creative with your application of this point, but keep it Biblical).

c.       Journal (Blog): Write down all the chaos that is in your head.

d.      Scream: Surprisingly therapeutic, especially if you are driving in Atlanta

And then, go to your “prairie”, wherever that place is that makes you feel like you again (a quiet room, a crazy coffee shop, your car, your trail, favorite park bench or favorite grocery store).

3.       Finally, take your feelings to the King: What I know is true: God is on the throne and He loves me. My Savior is in complete, stress-less, anxiety-free, CONTROL.  I get the privilege of repeatedly, constantly, taking every anxiety, fear, stress and failure before His throne where he exchanges it for perfect peace and rest.  Since I have so many fears, stresses, failures and anxious thoughts, I get the privilege of bringing them to God a LOT.  What a blessing!

 “so then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his (Hebrews 4: 10, slightly out of context).

  “Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold (prairie) and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my Salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on high places.” (Habakkuk 3:17-19).

 Further Reading: Matthew 11:28-30, 1 Peter 5:7, Isaiah 40:28-31, 1 John 4:18

1. Those are just a few things I am trying this Saturday, but if all else fails, we can take our chances on a prairie life.

 

This picture reminds me of my friend Mackenzie who said she would be my date for a wedding, if she was featured in the blog.